After Lydia's birth, I decided I didn't want to have a birth experience like that again and so I began an internet search for answers and options. What I found was the International Cesarean Awareness Network, more affectionately known as "ICAN". Now, let me stop here for a moment and say that I am not generally opposed to c-sections in any way. It is a blessing we have c-sections available in our society as some babies and women would die in childbirth if not for this amazing procedure. But I was just never sure that I fell into that category of truly needing a c-section. Also, my c-section birth experience was somewhat emotionally traumatic, and because I labored so long before the surgery, the recovery was the terrible. For months (over a year) I struggled with feelings of failure and then guilt for being depressed over a procedure that had given me such a wonderful gift: my beautiful daughter Lydia. It was very emotionally draining.
It was on the ICAN website though, that I found support and hope. I read stories of other moms who'd had c-sections with their first children, or even first and second children (some even had 3 cesareans before VBAC!) and then went on to have a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean). I read about the risks, and I read about some who had failed in their attempts to VBAC. And I found Dr. Joseph Tate, who appeared to be a miracle worker when it came to delivering VBAC patients. Weighing all my options, I decided that when I got pregnant again, I would drive the 45 minutes to Dr. Tate's office and that he would deliver my baby, VBAC if possible! Walking into Dr. Tate's office for my first appointment after I found out I was pregnant with Clara was a bit surreal. I had imagined that moment for nearly 2 years! It was finally here and within 9 months, we would find out if I could achieve my goal of VBAC.
Now, fast forward to Thursday of last week ... one day past my due date ...
I'd had trouble getting to sleep that night, as per usual, and ended up reading a book until about 1am. Finally I put down my book and drifted off only to be awakened at 3:30am with definitely painful contractions going on. I pulled out my contraction timer app on my phone (handy things, those smart phones) and started timing. My contractions were lasting about a minute and were about 4 minutes apart. After an hour of timing contractions, they were continuing to average 1 minute long, and just under 4 minutes from start to start. I woke my husband up and said it's time to call Dr. Tate because we were supposed to call him when my contractions were 6-8 minutes apart but either that never happened or I slept through it! When we called the Doc he told us to head down to the hospital and get checked out. It took a while to get everything together because although I was packed for the hospital I still had a few things to grab and not much time in between contractions to grab it. My contractions were already so painful that I had to lie down on my side and really focus on relaxing while they were coming. I used this method (my Bradley Method training) and found the contractions to be manageable, even though they were painful. Grandma and Grandpa showed up to stay until Lydia woke up and Ben and I finally got out the door and headed to the hospital around 5:30am. Luckily we just beat the start of rush hour traffic. On the 50 minute drive to the hospital in downtown Atlanta, I listened to a Childbirth Hypnosis CD which is just deep relaxation for childbirth. I was worried about how I would manage the drive but it was actually not too bad. We got in to the maternity ward around 7:00am and they checked my cervix--3 1/2 cm. Not too bad, I thought, for 3 1/2 hours of labor. I really wanted to labor without the epidural for as long as possible. I had brought a birthing ball but found that I wasn't comfortable on that at all. I'd studied the Bradley Method and that worked pretty well but I could only deal with some of the more painful contractions standing up and doing a kind-of slow-dance, hips swaying side to side maneuver with Ben supporting me. A few hours in I decided to try some IV medicine to take the edge off of the pain. Well, that worked for about 30 minutes and then it wore off and you can only have it every 2 hours. Around 11am they checked my cervix again and I was very disappointed to discover that I had only progressed another half a centimeter in 4 hours. I weighed my options. I was experiencing some contractions that I just could not relax through. Most of my contractions were still manageable for me, but a few were just plain too much and I could not take my mind off the pain. I knew that my contractions would probably intensify before the end and there was a chance that my doctor would put my on a little pitocin since my labor was going so slow. I decided that if it was going to be several more hours, I wanted the epidural which I ended up getting around 11:30. I felt satisfied that I'd managed my labor pain for 8 hours to 4 cm. I was happy with that and I still don't regret getting the epidural!
Much to my surprise, I continued to progress at the same rate after getting the epidural. I'd been a little worried about that after my labor with Lydia. At a few minutes after 2:00pm I felt a pop and a gush and knew my water had broken. Towards the end of the afternoon, I started to develop a slight fever and the baby's heart rate jumped a bit now and then which apparently is an indicator of possible infection. Dr. Tate decided to give me a small dose of pitocin to see if we could speed up the dilation and get the baby delivered. Finally about 8:30pm I was fully dilated and 100% effaced. It surprised me that it had taken my entire labor to become fully effaced. I thought that was normally the first thing to happen but I guess I was wrong! The Doc was still worried about the possible infection and so he decided to let me push the baby down for a while and then speed up the delivery with forceps. Also, they were trying to turn her head a bit because she was trying to come out forehead first instead of crown first. I don't remember whether they were able to turn her before the forceps or after. I started pushing at 8:30 and pushed pretty effectively (thanks again to my Bradley training) for 45 minutes from a -1 station to a +3 (I think) then the Doctor got the forceps in place and we gave it another couple of pushes and with the help of the forceps her head was out! One more push for the shoulders and she was totally out and they placed her on my belly. Wow. Just wow. I remember thinking through this whole labor that I never wanted to do it ever again! We were definitely stopping with two kids! Then they placed Clara on me and I thought, "I am definitely doing this again! Awesome!" Then, after the placenta was delivered they started sewing me up and I thought "Oh no, definitely NEVER doing this again". I had torn pretty badly (3rd degree lacerations--if you can imagine it, yes, I tore that way) so it took them an hour to sew me up. In actuality, the reason why it took so long to sew me up was because I delivered at a University Hospital so in addition to the doctor there was a female resident and a male medical student assisting with the delivery and the doctor was teaching while the resident was sewing me up. Truthfully I had to laugh inwardly at the medical student. He looked SO uncomfortable with the whole thing. I'm sure this was probably the first delivery he had witnessed. And what an exciting delivery! Plus, he was responsible for holding my right leg up while I was resting in between pushes and the nurse was occupied. I'm still chuckling thinking of the look on his face! I have to wonder if he went home and thought, "what am I doing in the medical field?"
The biggest surprise of the night though, was that Clara was actually smaller than her sister, only 8 lbs. 15 oz. Still a big baby, but mercifully smaller. And she didn't get stuck that I know of, anyway. It took us another full day before we could name her--nothing that we had considered seemed right. Finally we decided to pray about it and we both felt right about "Clara", a name which had gone onto the list only about a week or so earlier and we chose the middle name of "Ruth" after Ben's paternal grandmother. Neither of us could easily recall her name for a few days but we're all adjusted now--if I could just stop calling her Lydia ;)
I'm so grateful for this experience and so immensely grateful I was successful with the VBAC. I think, honestly, that my doctor had more faith in me and my abilities than I had in myself. There were many times when I seriously doubted that this birth would go as I hoped. But Doctor Tate does VBACs all the time so it's not surprising that he just took it as par for the course. I prayed a LOT the last month I was pregnant that I would feel peace over this birth, no matter what the outcome, and I did.
Another surprising result of my VBAC was the perspective that it gave me on Lydia's birth. I learned a few things this time, some tangible, some not, that have led me to understand that Lydia came the way she needed to come. When Lydia was born, her umbilical cord was wrapped so tightly around her neck that it had to be cut before she could be delivered which is very unusual for a c-section. It's quite possible that we might not have the same little Lydia without the c-section. Everything happens for a reason. I'm recovering quite well and now just over a week after the delivery I feel pretty much normal, despite how difficult the delivery was. We are so in love with little Clara and very grateful that she has joined our family. I'm SO glad I tried for the VBAC. It's not the right choice for everyone and there are risks, but it was definitely the right choice for me.
Clara Ruth Welch
Born 1/24/2013 9:28pm
8 lbs. 15 oz. 20.5 inches
