On losing 50 pounds

So ... this is what I've been up to in 2011.  I mean, I realize I'm bragging a little bit here, but this is pretty incredible, right?  I look at these two pictures and I can't believe the girl on the right is me ... right now ... sitting here ... typing this.  I hear this is a common malady among people that lose weight, but in my mind, I still think I look like the one on the left.

I didn't actually start the year with any sort of weight loss goal in mind.  I've struggled with my weight all my life, but I've always had excuses why I just couldn't lose my extra weight.

See if you can relate to any of these:

• I don't know how to lose weight.  How much "less" should I eat?  How much "more" should I exercise?
• Exercise only makes me more hungry, and so I eat more anyway
• Being overweight is part of my genetics a.k.a. I have a slow metabolism
• I'm not one of those "shallow" people who cares about looks
• Joining a weight loss program is too expensive
• I'm not ready to stop eating whatever I want
• I'm not willing to give up sweets!!
• I'm afraid I'll feel deprived if I cut back what I eat
• I'll have to spend money I don't have in order to buy an all new wardrobe
• I'm afraid of FAILURE, so I won't even try

But as the first few months of the year came along with a few more pounds packed on, I finally started to come to the realization that it was time to do SOMETHING.  Not only that, but once Lydia started on solid foods, I became a lot more conscious of what I was eating.  I wanted DESPERATELY to teach my daughter how to eat right so that she didn't end up "fat like me".  I knew that I could teach her how to eat correctly with my words, but it was my actions she was ultimately going to follow.  I guiltily realized that I needed to learn how to be a better example.  So, I chose to join Weight Watchers, with the idea already in place that I was ready to make a change for LIFE, not just for a few days or a few months.

And it was ... easy.  Surprisingly easy.  I lost 8 pounds the first week and 3 pounds the second week.  All together I lost 25 pounds in my first 2 1/2 months.

And then, of course, it got harder.  It took me an agonizing 6 more months to lose the next 25 pounds.  There are still days and weeks (like around holidays!!!!) where I think, "oh man, this is sooooo hard".  And there are days and weeks when I mess up and I go over my weekly points.  But, I pick myself up and dust myself off and start over again and don't let myself get discouraged.  The weight didn't come on overnight and it certainly isn't going to come off any faster than it came on!!  And then there were the weeks when I only lost a little, or none at all, or worse ... I gained ...  That was/is hard.  But eventually, with persistence, I kept losing, bit by bit.

I've also learned a lot about myself over this journey.  I've learned that I have more resolve than I previously imagined.  I've learned that I thrive on small rewards (stickers, keychains, etc.).  I've learned that I don't have a problem finding time to exercise.  I've also found that I don't need to bake sweets all the time to be happy.  I hardly ever bake any more, and it was one of the things I was the most loathe to give up before I started WW.

And, some other amazing things have happened too.  First of all, none of my clothes from before fit.  AT ALL.  They are all too big and it's wonderful.  I go shopping at thrift stores and I find some pretty decent things there.  And, it doesn't hurt any more when I exercise!  I used to come home with aching feet and knees.  Today I actually started training myself to start running.  I was amazed that I actually ran for 2 whole minutes on the treadmill.  ME.  RUNNING.  It's crazy.  I always swore I would NEVER run.  I have a goal to run a 5K in 2012.  I'm also eating more fruits and vegetables, lean meats, and fiber rich foods.  I've always enjoyed cooking, and now I'm enjoying the challenge to cook healthier food that actually tastes good.  And it's not such a drastic change.  Just a tweak here and a tweak there.  Some of my recipes I don't make as often as I used to.  WW is all about moderation, not deprivation.  I still eat my two favorite foods, cheese and chocolate, every single day.

The most amazing thing that has happened is that my husband has also joined WW and he has lost over 40 pounds, too.  He looks great and keeps telling me how grateful he is that I got him to join.  I can hardly believe it when I think that together we have lost over 90 pounds!!! That's a whole Nicole Richie!! ;)

Lest I deceive you, my journey is NOT over.  Truthfully, I don't know what my ideal weight is, but I'm not worried.  I know that when I get there, or at least get close, I will know.  I've got at least 50 pounds more to go, but now more than ever, I know that I WILL get there.  The question is not IF, or even WHEN, but WHO.  Who will I be when I get there?  In so many ways I wonder about that, and I'm so excited to find out.  I just know that despite my reservations and my fear of failure, in the end, the person that emerges from this cocoon will be the best version of myself I've ever known.  I understand now, more than ever, that I am worth it.  Worth every bit of it.

Christmas 2011

This year was one of my most favorite Christmases ever.  We didn't have church until noon, so it was nice to have some time in the morning to open presents and prep Christmas dinner.  Ben and I got up first and exchanged gifts.  I gave my hubby a new wedding ring because his was falling off and Tungsten Carbide can't be re-sized.  I was really happy that he hadn't been able to guess what I'd gotten for him.  He got me a Kindle, which I was NOT expecting, and I'm pretty excited about that since the last one got smashed to bits last month.  Hopefully this one will last a little longer ...  My in-laws came over at 8:30 and we got on Skype with my parents so they could all watch while we brought Lydia downstairs to see what Santa had brought her.  I had wrapped everything but the play kitchen we gave her (it was a little too big to wrap).  She was excited about the kitchen of course and wasn't too interested in opening anything else.  It took some MAJOR coaxing to get her to open some of her other gifts.  And then, after opening all the presents from the grandparents, she was too interested in playing with those things to want to open any of her presents from Santa.  So, she opened a present here and there throughout the day.

The Christmas Program at church was beautiful.  Ben and I both sang in the choir and the choir had the whole program!! There was no recitation or talking until it was all over and the Bishop said a few words.  The Spirit was so strong during that program.  It left me on a spiritual high for the rest of the day.  Our choir director had brought rose corsages and boutonnieres for every member of the choir.  I still have mine and Ben's sitting in a little dish of water on the windowsill.  Just a beautiful touch.

For dinner, Ben smoked a stuffed pork loin.  It was DELICIOUS.  We had so much good food and enjoyed the company of Ben's parents, my brother's family, and my sister-in-law's mother whom I consider to be family as well.

Despite the fact that we sorely missed having my parents join us here in Georgia, which has been the tradition for the last 4 years, we still had a wonderful day.  I can honestly say that it wasn't so much the presents that made the day memorable, it was the beautiful spirit of peace and goodwill that settled over my home for the entire day.  At the end of the day, although I was exhausted from the effort of getting up early, cooking dinner and cleaning it all up, I sat for nearly 20 minutes, just musing to myself about that precious time that I had spent singing praises to my Savior and being close to dear loved ones.  I truly felt the Spirit of Christmas this year.

Trying to get something out of the bottom of the stocking.             "I can't get it out!!!!"

       All dressed up and ready for church!!                      Playing with a toy from G-ma and G-pa.

                                                                            Dressed up in the tutu  I made for her :) 

                              Opening a present                                                  (Complete with dress-up shoes)     

OCD

My daughter is OCD.  I ... uh ... have no idea where she gets it from ...

She is an obsessive door closer.  I suppose it's better than being an obsessive door opener?  She always has to close all the doors in the house, no matter whether she and I are on the same side or not.

This afternoon she went upstairs and shut herself in our bedroom.  Typical. The lights were off, so I left her alone for about 5 minutes and then went to make sure she wasn't getting into too much trouble.  This is what I found: 

In the split second before I turned the light on and she sat bolt upright, she had been snuggled down in our bed, playing with her hair and sucking on her tongue.  I was sure glad I hadn't bothered to fold those clothes yet ...

Of course first question that popped into my head was, "how in the world did she get up on the bed"?  She's been trying for weeks now, but our bed is preeeeetty high.  Turns out (as she proudly demonstrated for me at least 3 times while I folded the aforementioned laundry) she climbs up on Ben's nightstand, and then bunny hops from there up on to the bed.

She is one smart little cookie.  I guess nowhere is safe any longer.

Mommy's Little Helper

Lydia has a new chore.  In fact, it's her only chore: putting away the clean silverware from the dishwasher.  She does a *FANTASTIC* job, as you can see.  But, she loves to help, which is the most important part ... even if it does require a little ... ahem ... rearranging after she's done :)