On losing 50 pounds

So ... this is what I've been up to in 2011.  I mean, I realize I'm bragging a little bit here, but this is pretty incredible, right?  I look at these two pictures and I can't believe the girl on the right is me ... right now ... sitting here ... typing this.  I hear this is a common malady among people that lose weight, but in my mind, I still think I look like the one on the left.

I didn't actually start the year with any sort of weight loss goal in mind.  I've struggled with my weight all my life, but I've always had excuses why I just couldn't lose my extra weight.

See if you can relate to any of these:

• I don't know how to lose weight.  How much "less" should I eat?  How much "more" should I exercise?
• Exercise only makes me more hungry, and so I eat more anyway
• Being overweight is part of my genetics a.k.a. I have a slow metabolism
• I'm not one of those "shallow" people who cares about looks
• Joining a weight loss program is too expensive
• I'm not ready to stop eating whatever I want
• I'm not willing to give up sweets!!
• I'm afraid I'll feel deprived if I cut back what I eat
• I'll have to spend money I don't have in order to buy an all new wardrobe
• I'm afraid of FAILURE, so I won't even try

But as the first few months of the year came along with a few more pounds packed on, I finally started to come to the realization that it was time to do SOMETHING.  Not only that, but once Lydia started on solid foods, I became a lot more conscious of what I was eating.  I wanted DESPERATELY to teach my daughter how to eat right so that she didn't end up "fat like me".  I knew that I could teach her how to eat correctly with my words, but it was my actions she was ultimately going to follow.  I guiltily realized that I needed to learn how to be a better example.  So, I chose to join Weight Watchers, with the idea already in place that I was ready to make a change for LIFE, not just for a few days or a few months.

And it was ... easy.  Surprisingly easy.  I lost 8 pounds the first week and 3 pounds the second week.  All together I lost 25 pounds in my first 2 1/2 months.

And then, of course, it got harder.  It took me an agonizing 6 more months to lose the next 25 pounds.  There are still days and weeks (like around holidays!!!!) where I think, "oh man, this is sooooo hard".  And there are days and weeks when I mess up and I go over my weekly points.  But, I pick myself up and dust myself off and start over again and don't let myself get discouraged.  The weight didn't come on overnight and it certainly isn't going to come off any faster than it came on!!  And then there were the weeks when I only lost a little, or none at all, or worse ... I gained ...  That was/is hard.  But eventually, with persistence, I kept losing, bit by bit.

I've also learned a lot about myself over this journey.  I've learned that I have more resolve than I previously imagined.  I've learned that I thrive on small rewards (stickers, keychains, etc.).  I've learned that I don't have a problem finding time to exercise.  I've also found that I don't need to bake sweets all the time to be happy.  I hardly ever bake any more, and it was one of the things I was the most loathe to give up before I started WW.

And, some other amazing things have happened too.  First of all, none of my clothes from before fit.  AT ALL.  They are all too big and it's wonderful.  I go shopping at thrift stores and I find some pretty decent things there.  And, it doesn't hurt any more when I exercise!  I used to come home with aching feet and knees.  Today I actually started training myself to start running.  I was amazed that I actually ran for 2 whole minutes on the treadmill.  ME.  RUNNING.  It's crazy.  I always swore I would NEVER run.  I have a goal to run a 5K in 2012.  I'm also eating more fruits and vegetables, lean meats, and fiber rich foods.  I've always enjoyed cooking, and now I'm enjoying the challenge to cook healthier food that actually tastes good.  And it's not such a drastic change.  Just a tweak here and a tweak there.  Some of my recipes I don't make as often as I used to.  WW is all about moderation, not deprivation.  I still eat my two favorite foods, cheese and chocolate, every single day.

The most amazing thing that has happened is that my husband has also joined WW and he has lost over 40 pounds, too.  He looks great and keeps telling me how grateful he is that I got him to join.  I can hardly believe it when I think that together we have lost over 90 pounds!!! That's a whole Nicole Richie!! ;)

Lest I deceive you, my journey is NOT over.  Truthfully, I don't know what my ideal weight is, but I'm not worried.  I know that when I get there, or at least get close, I will know.  I've got at least 50 pounds more to go, but now more than ever, I know that I WILL get there.  The question is not IF, or even WHEN, but WHO.  Who will I be when I get there?  In so many ways I wonder about that, and I'm so excited to find out.  I just know that despite my reservations and my fear of failure, in the end, the person that emerges from this cocoon will be the best version of myself I've ever known.  I understand now, more than ever, that I am worth it.  Worth every bit of it.